It’s that time of year! Today is the start of the season of gift buying. It’s also the start of the holiday sales! Beginning with Black Friday, which now starts on Thanksgiving, every stores have special sales to make sure you buy the love of your love ones and get them the gift that makes their heart melt in your hands. Luckily for you, we have a lot of experience in buying people’s friendship (that’s how Bailey and Steven became friends!). Here are some tips to help you this Black Friday:
- Wear proper clothing –While you may find it handy to wear high heels and use them as weapons, it won’t get you very far running around in the stores. Wear tennis shoes or running shoes! It will allow you to be comfortable, trendy, and yet fast enough for when you need to push a mother of two out of your way. While you are at it, you might as well just wear clothes like you are going to the gym because Black Friday shopping is a workout. Make sure they also have pockets because you never know when you are going to need to shove the countless number of discounted items in your pockets as you shop. It should also be noted that make sure you have clothing that fits appropriately because that will be seen as a weakness by your enemies. If you have saggy pants, then someone will trip you and everyone will see your underwear, not to mention, you missed out on getting something because you were looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.
- There are no friends when it comes to Black Friday shopping – Black Friday shopping is a goddamn blood sport. It’s pretty much the Hunger Games of the Retail world. When it comes down to you and your best friends getting the last item, they won’t think twice about shoving a knife into back. Friendships will be lost on that sale and you see people’s true color that day. We recommend not shopping with friends because everyone needs friends, and you need to keep them for the sake of your sanity.
- Bathrooms are for the weak – While you are waiting in line for hours upon hours, remember that you are stuck there until the sale. The person behind you is just waiting for you to crack. They will take great satisfaction and enjoy into your failure-especially when it comes to you and your bathroom needs. It’s at this point when you need to ask yourself whether it’s worth whatever sale you’re in. Do you really need to go to the bathroom or is this your mind telling your weak and can’t do it? Some places do offer a bathroom pass but everyone knows that they are just using that excuse to make the pain of being judge for your failure a little less hurtful because “you had a bathroom pass” but you still know that you are a failure.
- Budget your money – Make sure you have enough money to get everything because if you don’t, then there is no hope to save your dignity. Waiting in line for an item that you cannot even afford because your shopping partner, who isn’t a friend, spent all of your money on other sales is pretty much the equivalent of falling for trying to see if your hand is as big as your face. You might as well just shop out of your house like the loser you are.
- Hide yo slow ass Kids – While your kids might want to come shopping with you, don’t bring them unless they can keep up. If they aren’t fast, they are pretty much dead weight and you might as well just shop when everything is just regular price. The fast ones are going to be able to keep up and use can use them like a pack mule. If you are stuck bring the non-fast kid with you, the faster kid can use him as a human shield as he cuts through the mob.
- Cheaters never win…unless it’s Black Friday – While we aren’t condoning pulling out the products early if it’s just sitting out, but you can use your weight, or children, to get you to the front of the mob. We recommend children because it’s against the law to hit a child and they will get looks if they cuss one out.
We hope these tips help you with your shopping experience. If you follow these tips, you can guarantee a successful Black Friday shopping experience.
Do you have any shopping tips or stories? Leave them in the comments below.