A Letter to Kim Kardashian West


Dear Kim Kardashian West,

Hello there! How are you today? I’m well. How’s North West? I hope she is well. So I’m writing this letter to you because we need to have a real talk because I know that you are going to read this letter because I know you start your day sitting by your phone/computer doing a Google search on your name and reading every last thing about you (I have my letter to TMZ and all media outlets ready when you send me my cease and desist letter for this letter).

You need to keep your clothes on. I just keep seeing your big naked ass and how it decided to break the internet. It’s really started to break my eyes. I get that you are trying to show off your body, and I’ll admit, it’s a bangin’ bod, but I don’t care to see it. Remember that sex tape that you made back when Ray J Hit it first? Oh yeah, you don’t because you wanted people to forget about it. Bitch, do you really think that taking naked photos of you will make people forget that you had a sex tape when you fuel searches like “Kim Kardashian Nude”? Hell to the naw. If this is your mom’s idea to sell some more “merch”, then you need to fire her (sorry, Kris) because that shiz isn’t going to be working like she think it is.

So please, for the love of Kayne, keep your clothes on bitch!



Steven Kaufman


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