How to look less Drunk on Social Media


Today is St. Patrick’s day so do you know what that means? You and your friends will be getting involved in some heavy drinking and partying like Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan has inhabited your body and took control of your soul. Luckily for you, I’m your friend, commonly known as your “sober buddy”, and I’m here to make sure you don’t look like a hot ass mess to your friends and family to the point your grandma thinks that you need to find Jesus (you probably do but drunk is not how you should be when you find him). So I’m here is to do the impossible: To make you look less drunk on your Social Media. Let’s break it down by how your day will probably go on St. Patrick’s day.

It’s noon (10 a.m. if you like to party hardy) and you and your friends have started to drink and party. You may feel the need to take selfies with your friends and your booze. Don’t do this. If you take them, post it at like 7 p.m. This will make you seem like an alcoholic. It will also cover your butt if you decided to skip work,class, or responsibilities to drink. Posting pics of you drinking is going to get your judged and mock. Also do yourself a favor and don’t tweet/post anything discussing you being or getting intoxicated. That is just asking for trouble.

Now it’s 3:00 P.M. and at this point in the day, you are drunker than Mariah Carey, and she’s a professional drunk. I would recommend putting your phone, or anything with access to the internet, in a spot where your drunk self can’t get it. I also recommend giving your drunk self a name because it will give you a person to blame if this fails. Also, don’t take any pictures of you and your friends because you’ll regret it in the long run.

The clock tolls 7:00 p.m. and you are blackout drunk, or White Girl Wasted. You are slurring your words and pretty much hitting on everything, including your roommate and your roommate’s lamp. At this point, just turn off your phone and hide it from yourself. This is like telling a cop to piss off. It’s not going to end well.

We are going to end it at 7:00 p.m. because the advice is the same. Don’t post anything while you’re drunk. The occasional selfie with a beer is fine because everyone drinks one or two, especially when they are out with friends. It’s just when you are posting pics of yourself WGW. It’s not really attractive, and it makes you seem like you have a drinking problem. It could also ruin any chances you have a job depending on the job and the employer. Like when you are drinking, make smart decisions and don’t do something you regret (like something that may appear 9 months later!)

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