How to be a good parent


In case you didn’t hear, the United States abortion rate has fallen 21% since 2010. Instead of aborting the fetus growing inside them, people are becoming good parents and using their children to make them money. In honor of the abortion rate going down like Amber D’Alessio on a hot dog (Oh my god, that was one time!), I thought I would share ways you can become good parents and use your fetus/child to get you some more money to spend on yourself and only yourself.

Reality Television– Whether you are going to push an insane amount of children out of your honey pot in sitting or legs are open like a 7-eleven, you can use this to get your self a reality television show. Look at the Duggers and Kate Gosselin, they pushed out so many children and now they are considered Reality royalty and making tons of money on it as well. If you are a teen and having a bun in the oven, then just take your pregnant little behind to MTV because they are just full of programming just geared to pregnant teen mothers and their lives.

Beauty Pageants– Help teach your little bundle of love to be blood thirsty, vengeful, materialistic, and a total bitch by getting them involved in the pageant world. They could win a lot them, and by them I mean you, a lot of money that they could use for college….or on their mother so she can “visit that dentist” so he/she can help with her self-esteem, and her boobs. Honey Boo Boo had so many dollars from being a pageant queen, she hollers all night and day. She pretty much swimming in cheese balls and money while drinking her go go juice. It even got her a reality television deal.

Models– Your child not much of a talker or have no social skill? Then you child can be model. It involves no talking and just involves them standing in front of adults and posing while all the adults stare at them and tell them to “werk it, witch!” until they like what they see. What child doesn’t love being the center of attention? I wish I could had a bunch of men taking picture of me when I was younger.


Now I could go on and on with this list.  There is so many ways to make money off of your children, these were just the ones to get you the most attention/money.

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