Lock the doors, lower the blinds, fire up the smoke machine and put on your heels-it’s about to get real up in this mother. Let’s have a Kiki! For those of you that have lived under a rock, a Kiki is a party, for calming all your nerves. We’re spilling tea, and dishing just desserts one may deserve. In this week’s Kiki, let’s talk about parent’s getting “creative” and naming their children something “different.”
Before I get into this, let me first say I’m not bullying a child over something they had no control over. I’m just providing social commentary in a comedic fashion on a trend in pop culture that involves parents naming their children names that aren’t normally used a names of humans. By doing this kind of social commentary, I’m hoping to prevent parents from naming their children a name that will cause years of torment and loneliness due to kids being the assholes that they are.
This comes after Rob Kardashian and his “friend” Blac Chyna gave birth Dream Kardashian. Yes, that is in fact that poor child’s name. Now, I’m all for you know being creative and not thinking like everyone else in society but at least give your child a name that won’t get them into a very expensive rehab program for that horrible sand eating addiction. Let’s go back to Dream Kardashian. That poor child is already giving the burden of living up to a life of Del Taco binging and creating an empire out of a horribly produced sex tape with a less famous celebrities’ sibling by having the last name Kardashian. Then you go name her Dream and it’s like just put her in a dress with a kick me sign attached to her back. There’s not even any cool nicknames you can make out of that name. Then to top it all off, her father is a freaking designer of socks while her mother…..I’m not really sure what the hell Blac Chyna does. Pretty much, Dream Kardashian is going to live a hard life.
Then you have Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey naming their twins after the rooms,Monroe and Moroccan, they have had sex in. This is, of course, alleged but Mariah did say they were named after her “favorite rooms in her house.” Luckily for you, I’m fluent in bat shiz cray, which Mariah has been speaking since the late 90s. That was code for “These rooms are my favorite because one of them started the process of trying to have children and then the other is the one they were conceived in”. But seriously, I’m just glad she didn’t name one of her children after Glitter because….no one should have to remember that horrible movie let alone be named after it.
Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple. Her daughter’s name is Apple Martin. Her daughter needs to be working in a bar because she’s going to have to deal with being called Apple Martini. That would also make for a wonderful stripper name. And no, I’m not stating that Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter will become a stripper…it’s just would be a wonderful stripper name.
All I’m saying is that let’s not name our children things that will make them hate us more when they are teenagers. And on that stripper note, this kiki was MARVELOUS.
Have an opinion on the matter? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject.