There are only about two weeks until Christmas and this is the time where Christmas music is constantly playing at every retail establishment and on most radio stations. Let me take you to the winter wonderland that is so far away. It’s time to go on a “Lohan Holiday.”
“What is a Lohan Holiday?” This is an age-old question that has stook our nation. Well, today, I will be sharing with you what is this “Lohan Holiday” nonsense and how does one have one.
So let’s get down to the basics: What is a Lohan Holiday? A Lohan Holiday is a drunken and drug-induced feeling that is only experienced when you party like a Lohan. How does one party like a Lohan? Well, it’s a simple recipe of 1/2 cup alcohol, 4 and 1/3 cups hardcore narcotic, with a cup of glitter. Sometimes they throw in a couple of cups of red bull and cinnamon for a kick. Martha Stewart showed them how to do. She learned it is a prison. Lohan Holiday is also the name of Ali Lohan’s début album, and Bailey Miller‘s favorite holiday album ever.
Released in 2006, this was the youngest Lohan’s attempt to follow her drugged out and successful older sister’s, Lindsay Lohan, footstep. Released on Halloween that year (sidebar: who in their right mind releases a Christmas album on Halloween?) It’s arguably one of the greatest masterpieces that Ali has made since her fingerprinting in the second grade. That is also the only good thing I will be saying about the album.
Ali covers and butchers many of the Christmas classics that we love for a week and then despise. So, pretty much it’s Diana Lohan trying to make money from her other daughter. The production on the album sounds like she made it with all generic instruments that came with the free program that produced the album in someone’s mother basement. The album takes itself way too seriously. Like, Ali truly believed that this was going to one her big break. Oh, it’s great even better. Dina Lohan is featured on the album.
No, she’s not singing because that would have sold way more copies than the one that Bailey bought. All she is does is read passages from the Bible. It’s so random and something that you would expect Dina to do. And just when you think that nothing can top Dina reading you passages from God, Lindsay is on the album. Yeah, that’s how desperate they were to sell albums. And then, she’s on even singing/talking/breathing on the song that she’s supposed to be on. It’s like they either knew this was going to suck and put her name on there to bait people into buying it…or Lindsay didn’t want this to hurt her career because the partying wasn’t all ready doing that.
Overall, this album is something you get someone either as a gag gift or you hate them and want them to have a horrible listening experience. Just don’t listen to it. If you must, then YouTube for free. Don’t spend any money on this.
Have an Opinion on a Lohan Holiday? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject