Top 5ive: Disney shows that need a gritty reboot


Since the world is in a place where reboots have become something that everyday thing, I thought it was only fair that I would come up with gritty reboots of popular Disney Channel shows. Think of this as a peace treaty Disney. Let’s forget all those times I called you a pimp and said that you were pimping out your stars like a bunch of whores. It’s time to start from scratch. Now, this Top 5ive is more of just five show and not one is better than the other. It’s really just a list. Now it’s time to dive into my treatments, or plots, of these popular Disney Channel shows and their gritty reboots.

5. Hannah Montana

The gritty reboot follows the same premise as the original but since it’s a gritty reboot, “Hannah Montana is way darker. Miley Stewart is having a hard time dealing with the double life and ends up being addicted to partying and hardcore drugs. Billy Ray Stewart becomes a struggling alcoholic who uses booze to help cope with the fact that Hannah/Miley was way popular than he ever was. Jackson Stewart is addicted to being in the limelight and ends up being involved in some sketchy things. Lily and Oliver are the same because Miley needs some normal in her life. Oh, and Miley’s mother – she died of a drug overdose. Yeah, this is how gritty we are going to get. It’s definitely not “the Best of Both World.”

4. Bug Juice

Pretty much, the original show but with way more juice. Like, I want to know who is sleeping with who, who’s sleeping with the counselors, and what drugs they are doing. This is freaking summer camp, there has to be way more stuff going on that is inappropriate. And yes, this show will probably be less of an organic because then it would be classified of children porn. But it will be way juicier with a lot more sex, drugs and cursing. What’s a gritty reboot without all of those things? Oh, I also want there to be some sort of fighting. It’s always a good time when there is staged fighting.

3. Sonny with a Chance

This one is going to be amazing because it’s the same premise but with a lot more bitchiness, sex, and drugs. Have you started to notice a pattern? Sonny joins the cast of “So Random” being innocence and naive. She quickly realizes that not everything is so peachy keen. Tawni Hart is the bitch of the cast who slept her way to the top. She tries to end Sonny’s career before it begins. Nico Harris and Grady Mitchell are the resident potheads who let their drugs take control of their careers. Chad Dylan Cooper is the playboy of the studio who sleeps with anything that has legs. That’s why his show “Mackenzie Falls” has the nickname “MacKenzie Balls,” because that’s the only thing that gets high ratings. That was a very bad joke. Sonny tries to keep herself grounded but she quickly falls for Chad and ends up turning into drugs after she found out the truth about him.

2. Kim Possible

This is a live action gritty reboot because it’s 2017 – “Kim Possible needs to be live action. The reboot follows Kim as she tries to be a normal teenage girl and a secret agent at the same time. The fame that comes with saving the world gets to her head as she is shot into popularity. Ron Stoppable is left in the shadows as he and his naked mole rat, Rufus, begin to get into some¬†shady activity that will end with their death at the hands at Kim’s archnemeses Dr. Drakken and Shego. Kim teams up with a teen super-genius to try to defeat them to avenge her one-time friend.

1. Lizzie McGuire

So this one is going to be the best. Katie got a new reputation of being easy with the guys that made her popular, as well the implants her daddy bought her as a “first day of school” gift. Ethan is the popular jock that hooks up with all the girls when he’s not getting high with his friends. Lizzie is just trying to survive middle school but ends up in the wrong of the social food chain as she is a social outcast thanks her former friends Katie spreading a vicious rumor about Lizzie. Lizzie’s friend Miranda was her hardly there. She’s either lighting it up with Ethan or trying to get Gordo’s attention. Gordo isn’t into Miranda like that but rather is looking to get close to Ethan, who Gordo finds annoying yet attractive.

I hope you enjoyed my gritty reboots. Disney, you can call me if you decided to grow a pair and make one.

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