It’s time to looking into the stars….not the stars in Hollywood but rather the ones in the sky that no one looks at in person. I’ve decided to give astrology a try to tell you what to expect when it comes to the week ahead. Welcome to the Pop Project Horoscopes. I was going to call them Poposcopes but that’s something entirely different that we shouldn’t discuss. This is a family blog depending on the day of the week.
So here’s how this is going to work, in case you have never dealt with astrology before, match the sign that fits your birthday. It’s a very simple concept. So let’s begin!
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): You will be going through a lot of changes this week. A lot of tough decisions will be made this week. Don’t fight it. Especially if they are something involving water. You are an Aquarius. Water is literally in your name. Just go with the flow, especially if that flow is a river, creek, or something like that.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Warmer temperatures are here and you are fish. Fishing will become a common practice for the next couple months, but even worse this week. Your week will suck because people will be trying to catch you for both food and pleasure. Just don’t go for anything that magically appeared and looks like they shouldn’t be there to begin with. Use your fishy sense.
Ares (Mar 21 – Apr 19): You will continue to cause chaos and misery this week. Be prepare to fight a war because you’re the fucking god of war. It would be shocking if you didn’t go a day without killing…erm, fighting with someone. Killing is wrong and shouldn’t be done. But you will be fighting with a Taurus this week for dominance. It will be over something stupid but you don’t know how to pick your battles. Good luck!
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): You’re pretty much screwed this week if you are Taurus because you will be at war with an Ares this week because your stubborn dick that doesn’t know when to not push buttons. Ares is the god of war and you will be pretty much dead if you don’t hold your ground and just try to last. Ares may respect you if you survive. Good luck and learn to be less stubborn. It will save your life.
Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): If you are not a twin, you will be in a week of struggle between the twin that is currently living inside of you. Not physically because that’s just fucked up but also cool at the same time. Anyways, your twin will be trying to take over your body and push your soul to the waste side. Your twin’s soul is currently living inside of you and is wanting to break free. If you have a twin, you will be safe this week. Take it easy.
Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): You really just need to calm yourself. I get that Flounder is annoying but he is Ariel’s best friend and that the problem you need to focus on. Teach Ariel to make friends with people of her own species then you can get rid…Oops, wrong crab. Pretty much, just try not to pinch people’s nerves this week and you should be fine. Just play nice and all will be okay.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): If another lion can survive this father being trampled in a stampede, then you can survive this week. While you won’t have to detail with a homicidal uncle that’s trying to take over, hopefully, it will be a rough week. Just power through it with a smile and remember that it will be all over soon…the week that is. Also, I’m sorry for your loss.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22): You need to be very careful this week because I don’t know if you read the origin story for Virgo, but it involves some heavy shit. LITERALLY. Like someone got locked in a box and thrown into a river. If that happened during way back in the day, can you picture what would happen in this day and age. Just watch your back and don’t make any life altering decisions.
Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): If you don’t all ready have a cat, you might want to invest in one because it’s going to be one of those weeks. People around you will be busy and you will pretty much be flying solo, which is where the cat will come into play. The cat will be your best friend this weekend will keep your company until your human friends will return to you. If your human friends doesn’t return t you, then your future of being that one person with hundreds of cats. They will never return if that happens because you will smell like cat pee. No one likes that smell. Not even cats.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You will be in the forefront of the Ares/Taurus war trying to keep the peace. You’re determination will decided who lives and die. This is extreme intense right? Well, it is because the was between Ares/Taurus could end the world. Try to save Taurus the most because Ares is the god of war and it will be a massacre if Ares reaches full power.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): This is your week to finally get your lover to act out your own take on “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Just let your freak flag fly and just go at it like Christian Grey and his sex slave. Pretty much, you’re just going to be horny all week until you are singing Rihanna’s “S&M” right before he tells you the safety word. I recommend using the safety word of “stop.”
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): WTF is a Capricorn to begin with? Your week will be one of self discovery and figuring out what and who you are. That’s something that important you know. If you don’t know who you are, then you will never be happy. Also, try your best not to eat any corn-based products. You may be eating a distant relative or something like that.
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