It’s time to looking into the stars….not the stars in Hollywood but rather the ones in the sky that no one looks at in person. I’ve decided to give astrology a try to tell you what to expect when it comes to the week ahead. Welcome to the Pop Project Horoscopes. I was going to call them Poposcopes but that’s something entirely different that we shouldn’t discuss. This is a family blog depending on the day of the week.
So here’s how this is going to work, in case you have never dealt with astrology before, match the sign that fits your birthday. It’s a very simple concept. So let’s begin!
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): This week should be a calm week for you. The ocean that is your life is at rest. Nothing will/should go wrong this week to cause you pain and torment. Just ride the waves throughout the week and relax. This week will be a breeze. Just watch out for people peeing in your pond/stream. That shit is gross.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Stay on high alert this week! You will be hunted in more this week. Shake your fishy fins as fast as you can and take cover because if you don’t, then you will be screwed. Fishing will get even worse from here. Keep a sharp eye, which will be hard since they aren’t together, and don’t fall for any baits. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Ares (Mar 21 – Apr 19): You need to calm the fuck down. Not everything is worth fighting over. Take a breathe and make a rationalize decision. Just because you’re the fucking god of war doesn’t mean you should try to declare war on every little thing. If you don’t let things go, it will consume you. This week, just try to not kill anyone, relax, and to not declare war on every little thing.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Use this week to regroup after your war with Ares. If you didn’t survive your war with Ares last week, use it as a lesson. Don’t always fight when someone argues with you. You and Ares will pretty much have similar week because you both have angry issues and you both have need to not argue over every little thing. Just take a chill pill and everything will be peachy.
Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): If you are not a twin, the twin living inside of you will be suppressed this week if it didn’t succeed in taking control over your body. Use this week to formulate a plan to defeat your twin. If they did succeed, recuperate and fight back next week, unless they are trying to kill you. Then fight back hard. If you have a twin, you guys will argue this week and cause mayhem to everyone you know. It will be a good week.
Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Stop being grouchy and mean and just a smile. Will that kill you? Have you ever wondered why people don’t want to be around you? It’s because you are a grouchy dick. Loosen up and don’t be a literal crab. Being a literal crab just sucks and makes you look like a horrible person to be around. No one wants to deal with that. Just cut that shit.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): You are going to have a rough week again. Probably won’t be as bad as last weeks but that will all depend on you. Try to make the most out of the situations as they arise. Channel your inner lion and scare the shit out of whatever bad comes your way. Just don’t try it with an actual lion because you might die.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22): Celebrate the fact that you have yet to been locked in a box and sent down the river. Literally, that’s the most positive thing I can see when it comes to Virgo. Again, that story is fifty shades of fucked up.
Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): Your friends have returned but you are still single. Your loneliness will be still there but much less than last week mainly because you will have your friends. You might want to keep a cat or two handy for companionship when you aren’t with your friends. You might also want to try focus the loneliness into something positive. I would recommend put the energy that you waste feeling lonely into something legal and positive.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You did your best last week and you deserve a vacation. Too bad that it won’t be for a while because your ability to be the calm one is going to be put to good use again this week. It won’t be to stop a war but rather just little disputes here and there. At least you have that going for you rather than defusing to ticking time bombs like Ares and Taurus
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): If I was you, I would take a break from all that kinky sex. It’s not good for the body. Relax this week or just have calmer sex. Either way, stay out of the freaky and kinky sex. Refuel and just enjoy the fact that you can breathe without a muzzle or a something getting rammed into different parts of your body. Also, make sure you keep it normal parts of your body and nothing that will require you to seek medical attention. Examples: an ear, nose, eyes, etc.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): You will continue on the path on figuring what the fuck a Capricorn is. It’s all about self-discovery because you will know your self better than anyone else would. So if you don’t know what the fuck a Capricorn is, then you better start this week by figuring that out.
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