Here’s what you missed in 2009

Since it’s 2019, I thought it would be a fun experience to celebrate the 10th anniversary of 2009. That’s right, it’s been 10 years since 2009 was a thing. Now I’m just talking about all the pop culture events. I’m not going to be diving into like politics or the actual news. That’s just depressing because it was a happier time. I miss Barry Obama and his wife. They were a good time. So polite.

So here’s three of the major events that occurred in 2009. Yes, “Glee” happened in this year but I’m honestly not in the mood to cover it more than I have before.

Miley Cyrus and her Pole-rizing performance

This should have been a sign from sweet baby Jesus that we would be in for a little old Miley Rae Cyrus, or Molly Cyprus as the older generation calls her. It was the 2009 Teen Choice Awards. It was a dark year for those teenybops unless you were a “Twilight” fan. They swept all but one nomination they were in. That one really shouldn’t count because there were two “Twilight” stars nominated. How are two people supposed to one category? Anyways, Miley performed was performing her smash non-Grammy nominated hit “Party in the USA.”

During her performance, they rolled out a harmless little ice cream cart. Miley then climbed onto the cart and grabbed a hold of the umbrella pole. Since the umbrella topper fell off backstage, it looks like a stripper pole. Miley dropped it like it’s hot while holding onto the pole. Now, this was big deal because she was still Hannah Montana and an idol for hundreds of children. Parent’s feared that she would convert them into little strippers. Little did they know, they already were.

The first man to say ‘I’ma let you finish’

This was another sign from sweet baby Jesus that Kayne West would end up being in our the thing that kills us besides Donald Trump. It was the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. Literally, the last year that they mattered until 2013 when Miley resurrected Beetlejuice in an attempt to save the long forgot award shows. Spoiler: it was a good try. 2009 was a rather big year for the country-pop darling. Her second album “Fearless” was peaking to number two on the charts. Everyone loved her and she loved everyone that she didn’t date. This was also the year she got sassy and stuck it to Joe Jonas at another award show. But we aren’t here to talk about that.

Taylor won the VMA for “Best Female Video.” She was nominated with Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, P!nk, and Beyonce. Yup, she’s that girl that beat out Beyonce for an award. Little doe-eyed Taylor Swift was up on stage and just thanking the people who helped her. Then like a bolt of lightning, the man that would be called Yeezy stormed the stage and grabbed the mic from Taylor Swift. YOU COULD LITERALLY HEAR A PIN DROP. Then he said the following:

“Yo, Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’mma let you finish, but BeyoncĂ© had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!”

It was then that for the first time in her life, Beyonce was SPEECHLESS. She did let out “Oh, Kanye. Oh, God.”  You might have missed it because he was being booed out of the building. It was then he was escorted out of the building and an idea came to Kris Jenner’s mind. Legend also has it that the beyhive was born and formed.

Tiger Woods hits more than just a hole in one

So this is more of petty gossip than news but this was the year of the big Tiger Woods scandal. If you don’t know who Tiger Woods is, he’s a pro golfer. He’s very famous for being good at golf. In November, the award-winning real news source, National Enquirer, reported on that Tiger Woods was sleeping around behind his then wife’s back. His ex-wife is
Elin Nordegren and she’s hotter than the Sahara desert. He would either be extremely horny or she ain’t doing it for him anymore to cheat on her.

A couple days later, Tiger got into “a little accident” with his car hitting a fire hydrant, tree, and some hedges at like 2:30 a.m. I still believe that was no accident. It wouldn’t shock me if Elin scared him off into his car in a fit of fear. I would say he was drunk but he would been drinkin something other than alcohol. Now this happened in 2010 but I cannot help but talk about it.

So after all this happened, all his mistresses started coming out of the woodwork. It was Oprah’s favorite thing but just with mistresses. It just happens to be Tiger Wood’s favorite things in 2009 was having affairs with many mistresses. “Here’s a mistress, here’s a mistress, here’s a mistress! EVERYBODY GETS A MISTRESS!” Just as the mistresses came out, all of his deals and sponsorships started to disappear faster than Elin did.

Now I could go on and on about the rise of Lady Gaga, the start of “Glee“, how much I miss Barry and Michelle. 2009 was a good year and it has aged well as one of the most iconic of the 2000s. I just hope that 2019 will be just as iconic as 2009. Fingers crossed that it will be.

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.

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