Months that Suck: August


Well, it’s the last hoorah as we have reached full circle. It’s time to come together one last time as we chat about why August sucks. Without further ado, let’s chat about how horrible August is….

August is friggin’ hotter than hot. It’s like hell has opened up and decided to see how hot we can end summer on. Like, where was this during the months of May-July? That’s when all the fun happens. And it’s not even the enjoyable warm weather. It’s like the weather you get in July but turned up even worse. Like why does Mother Nature hate us so bad that she has to be so petty? I’m wanting it to be warm but it’s stupid to be hotter than balls outside. Sidenote: who came up with that saying anyway?

August is also the sign that it’s getting back to serious business for many. Vacations will soon be over, children will be heading back to school, and the weather will soon be changing next month to something colder. August is just depressing if you really think about it. It’s pretty much signaling the end of fun times. It’s kind of like “Oh shit, it’s going  to suck the next couple of months.” Sure, the weather isn’t going to be horrible for a few weeks, but it’s been super nice out since late-May. That’s been three straight months of just nice weather that super enjoyable and you don’t have to wear five different layers of clothing.

August is just that awkward month. It just really long. It doesn’t go fast, but rather it just goes slower. It’s dragging and just makes you beat your head off the wall because you don’t want the weather to end, minus the heat, but you just wish the month would hurry the fuck up. It’s just too much and way longer than what it should it be. Like you can take your time but just go a tad faster. Slow and steady may win the race but not when it is slower than a snail. C’mon now, August.

Doesn’t it feel better to get that off our chest? It was like a weight was lifted off my chest…or that could be just the Air Conditioning kicking in. Now that I don’t have months to complain about, what am I going to do with my time?

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Months that suck: July


It’s summer time and just because there is warmer weather doesn’t mean that months don’t suck. I have only two more months to complain about so let’s narrow it down to just one more as we chat about why July sucks. Here’s a gif that pretty much sums up why July sucks:

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The month of July starts the two-month period of it being hot as balls outside. Literally, it’s so freaking hot that you will sweat bullets. I’m all for warm weather but when it gets up to the 80-90, even 100-degree temperatures that is when I’m like “no.” While it’s beautiful outside, you don’t want to go outside like at all. It’s kind of pointless when you can stay nice and cool inside. But that’s only you have an air conditioner, which good luck getting one because as soon as it’s like 80 degrees they are gone. Fans stop being something to cool you down once it goes past 75 degrees. They are pretty much just blowing hot air on you.

Then it doesn’t even cool down at night when it’s that hot and it’s all thanks to our friend humidity. Who doesn’t love our friend that just makes things hotter than what it actually is? It could 75 degrees out but the humidity has it feeling like it’s really 84. You just can’t win in the month July. There’s hardly any middle ground. Like, why couldn’t be like June that literally was days ago and be less humid so we can be cool and chill at night? It doesn’t make any sense.

The weather also makes people sweat and that isn’t a good thing. It makes for miserable people who may or may not smell. No one wants to deal with miserable people who just take out their frustration with the weather out on whoever they feel like. Like, just because you are sweaty and miserable doesn’t mean you need to be a total and complete dick. Everyone else around you is just a sweaty and miserable but aren’t making a poor cashier cry because she/he couldn’t do what you want. Suck it up bitch!

And while we are on the subject of being sweaty, please don’t keep your money in your shoes,boobs, crotch, or anywhere else where the money will be touching a part of you that sweats. Sweaty money is disgusting. If the clothes are too tight to hold a wallet/items in pockets, then you really shouldn’t be wearing it to shop. Also, you’re more than likely old enough to know better. Handing someone sweaty money isn’t adorable at any age.

Another thing that sucks about July is the fact that people decide to use fireworks on every day this month instead of just on the on the Fourth of July. I’m totally fine with it being a Celebrate thing starting a couple of days before and then ending on the fourth of July, but is it really necessary to have the entire month be nothing but fireworks going off for no reason? While they are pretty, they are extremely loud and noisy. While you might be up and partying at 11 p.m., that doesn’t mean your neighbors are. Just think of the people around you.

I would also rant about what clothing is appropriate but that seems like something that deserves a kiki. This pretty much sums up why July sucks. Feel free to leave a comment below if you have anything else to add.

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Months that Suck: June


Oh it’s a new month and you know what that means. Yes, It’s time to dive into how much it sucks and why it’s the worst thing to happen. I bet you thought that I couldn’t do all 12 months and boy, are you wrong. So let’s discuss why June is a month that totally sucks.

June is the first official month of summer. Too bad that it doesn’t kick in until the middle of the month. The first day of summer, or the summer solstice if you want to be pretentious, kicks off on day 21 of June. I’m sorry but that’s just being a tease. According to everyone in the rest of the world, summer started on Memorial Day. But June has to be like “Oh, here’s some warm weather but summer isn’t here yet, not on my watch.” It also gives you the gift of the longer day and the sun being out later and later until it gives us summer before saying “fuck you” and takes back all the later sunrise. Like what was the point of that? Do you want more time to do to outdoor activities? I know I sure do but June could give two shits about your outdoor activities and your wellbeing.

Let’s also not forget about how June is hot as balls. It’s probably one of the warmest months of the year. It sucks evening worst because you aren’t used to the raging temperatures. It like goes from 60-70 degree weather to like the high 70s to mid-80s. Unless you prepare your body for it, then you are in for a rude awakening of sweating and just being miserable. Like nothing you can wear will make you feel comfortable in the heat. Sure, a tank top will help a little but unless you are naked, you will be sweating your ass off all the time. It’s even worse at night because you want to sleep but you can’t because of the fact that you are so freaking hot. It always happens when you need to wake up early the next day. You might as well plan on restless nights and never feeling fully rested.

It will be so hot that you will need to bust out the air conditioner. That will cost you an arm and a leg. It will also make you decide whether your wallet is worth it more than your well-being. A fan won’t be able to help you no matter how many you put on you. It’s pretty much just blowing hot air on you at this point. Blowing hot air isn’t helping you cool down but rather just adding to just hating your life. That’s hot bad the weather will make you feel.

I honestly hope that July is way better than June because I’m just tired of this shit. When will all this disappointment end?
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Months that suck: May


It’s a new month and you know what that means: It’s time to dive into the fact that May, like the many months before it, sucks. This month was a rather hard month to figure out why it sucks. But like a good journalist, I figured it out though research and complaining about how the month is a pain the ass.

May’s in the middle of fucking allergy season. If you don’t have allergies then you are the worst person because you don’t understand how much you want to stab your face. “Oh, but the plants are so beautiful when they are blooming,” you may say. People with allergies can’t even enjoy the beauty because of the freaking pollen. Pollen is the rest why our eyes are watery and itchy messes. It might only be for a few weeks or the month, but it still puts a damper on the wonderful weather that people with allergies can’t enjoy. And yes, they can take “allergy pills” but it’s not the same because if they are really bad, then it will only halfway work. It’s like halfway enjoying a delicious piece of food. Or halfway enjoying life.

Speaking of weather, its beautiful weather most of the time. It’s warm, sunny, and inviting. But you can’t enjoy because you have “life things” to do. May is constantly teasing you with the fact that it’s nice out and you can’t enjoy it. You can’t enjoy the sun and the warmth of it but you can’t because you have to complete homework, work, or even clean. Sure, you can do some task outside but it’s not the same. You want to fully enjoy the weather. It’s like May is taunting you and enjoy your suffering. It’s taking joy in the fact that you can’t enjoy the warm and nice weather.

May is probably the worst month of them all.  But luckily, it only sucks for a couple of weeks before a new month comes along and sucks even more. Luckily, I only have three more months to cover. The suckage continues.

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