Months that suck: May


It’s a new month and you know what that means: It’s time to dive into the fact that May, like the many months before it, sucks. This month was a rather hard month to figure out why it sucks. But like a good journalist, I figured it out though research and complaining about how the month is a pain the ass.

May’s in the middle of fucking allergy season. If you don’t have allergies then you are the worst person because you don’t understand how much you want to stab your face. “Oh, but the plants are so beautiful when they are blooming,” you may say. People with allergies can’t even enjoy the beauty because of the freaking pollen. Pollen is the rest why our eyes are watery and itchy messes. It might only be for a few weeks or the month, but it still puts a damper on the wonderful weather that people with allergies can’t enjoy. And yes, they can take “allergy pills” but it’s not the same because if they are really bad, then it will only halfway work. It’s like halfway enjoying a delicious piece of food. Or halfway enjoying life.

Speaking of weather, its beautiful weather most of the time. It’s warm, sunny, and inviting. But you can’t enjoy because you have “life things” to do. May is constantly teasing you with the fact that it’s nice out and you can’t enjoy it. You can’t enjoy the sun and the warmth of it but you can’t because you have to complete homework, work, or even clean. Sure, you can do some task outside but it’s not the same. You want to fully enjoy the weather. It’s like May is taunting you and enjoy your suffering. It’s taking joy in the fact that you can’t enjoy the warm and nice weather.

May is probably the worst month of them all.  But luckily, it only sucks for a couple of weeks before a new month comes along and sucks even more. Luckily, I only have three more months to cover. The suckage continues.

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Oh April, why must you suck


It’s a new month, and it sucks. Yes, it’s everyone favorite column that only occurs once a month. Today is April 1st, so let’s sit down and discuss why April sucks because it will only get harder from here. Sure, it’s the start of a warmer weather but that doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and flowers….according to lore, that occurs in May.

Let’s start with the biggest elephant in the room: April Fool’s Day. We start the freaking month with a joke day. How is anyone supposed to take April seriously when on the very first day, everything is a joke? That’s like walking into a new school with a big “I wear diapers” on your back. Your credibility is shit. You might as well just hid in a bathroom stall and wait for it to be over.

Then as the weather get’s warm, the plants decided to bloom and because beautiful again – not until the end of the Month. It still looks like death has taken over the world for rest of the month. Tree don’t have leaves and the dead bodies of their former leaves still cover the grass. Yeah, how does it feel knowing that you are playing/running/lying on dead leaf bodies? Sure, they will slowly but surely disappear into the ground but you still have to see them and remember the sacrifice they provided for you. #NeverForget.

Let’s not also forgot the fact that April is freaking wet all the damn time. Do we really need it to rain that much? You literally can’t plan to do anything outside because the forecast always has a high likely chance of rain. You spent the last five months inside, April is supposed to be the chance to enjoy the slightly better weather. Nope, it’s teasing you. It’s making you think that it’s going to be nice dry with the sun out and then BAM! Here comes the rain again. Here’s my forecast for the month of April:

Didn’t know I was a weatherman? Neither was I, but I’ll probably be more right than them. All that I am saying is that April needs to fix itself and then we will talk. April needs to reinvent itself and become a better month. It’s not a hard thing to do, but it probably won’t because it’s a stubborn month. April is a stubborn little bastard that thinks it’s the hottest month since August. Technically, it is but that’s beside┬áthe point. If you want to be better

I have high hopes that May will be better than April but, I have a feeling that my soul will be crushed by disappointment and sorrow…like always. I’m so used to disappointment at this point, it’s like second nature. Oh, that’s just a depressing why to end this. So, here’s a gif of an adorable animal, probably a cat since the internet loves cats, to make it a little less depressing:

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