Let’s Have a Kiki: Tinder is the worst


Lock the door. Lower the blinds.

It’s time that we have what is hopefully one final kiki of the year. The keyword is hopefully because I get triggered easily by stupidity or just dumb things in general. So Lock the doors, lower the blinds, fire up the smoke machine and put on your heels because it’s going to get real up in this mother. I know, exactly what you need today:

For those that aren’t sure what the fuck they are in for, a kiki is a party for calming all your nerves. We’re spilling tea, and dishing just deserts when they deserve. On this edition, we are going to have a nice little chat about why Tinder is just the worst.

So real talk: Can we just talk about how Tinder is just the worst? It either full of strange people or just a bunch of stuck up people. Like, I get that you are going off first impressions of pictures but this app is 50 shades of fucked up shit. First things first, not everyone’s experience with Tinder is going to be the same. I’m going to shitting on it but it’s going be generalizing it. Just take this as something to consider if you haven’t signed up yet. Spoiler: save yourself the trouble and don’t do unless you want a good life.

So there are two kinds of people you will find on Tinder: flaky people or fucked up people looking to get off. Let’s start with the flaky people. So there are people who you will match with that won’t respond back to you when you message them. That totally defeats the purpose of you swiping right. If you swipe right, then you want to chat with someone because you like what they saw or read. So what was the point of swiping right if you aren’t going to reply back? If it was a mistake then just say so because I won’t be angry. I’m more angry at you being a full of dicks and just not responding AT ALL. And yes, I understand that this occurs on every app/site like this but it still doesn’t make this right. Take the five minutes to at least try to have a conversation, especially in your bio if you say you like people who can hold a goddamn conversation.

Then you have fucked up people. Like a profile for Santa appeared and I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t an advertisement. Santa was also posing seductively in front of a fireplace. Don’t ask me why I remember all of this so vividly. It might be because it’s FUCKING BURNED INTO MY MIND because I cannot unsee it. And if you thought this was bad, this was just the icing on the Tinder cake. There are people wearing harnesses and muzzles as well as just endless supplies of torsos. It gets better from there. The bios for the profile also scream hot mess. Like, at least make some sort of effort to look to not fucked up. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar and you’ll find more people by looking less fucked up. You want to ease them into the bondage and not just throw it in their face within the first minute that you want them to tie you up and make you their bitch. Also, unless you don’t have a head, which I highly doubt, let’s also ease into the showing of the torso.

Moral of this kiki: If you are going to use Tinder, good luck. It’s a fucked up in Tinder. People are being rude as fuck or just wanting you to tie them up and gage them.

This kiki was…..


Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more sass. 

Getting noticed on dating apps


Since I’ve pretty much covered all the social media that I could really think of it, I thought it was the time that I covered how to get people to give you that extra view on dating apps. It’s 2017 and it’s pretty much how people meet anymore. There’s like a thousand dating apps in the app store and it’s usually how most people meet these days due to everything being busy and whatnot.

When you get started on these apps, you need to pick the best pictures that are the best representation of you. They need to not be overly edited because you aren’t that way in real life. Make sure the pictures aren’t just you standing there looking like a model unless you really are a model. I recommend pictures of you being out and about with friends. I also recommend not having a picture of you looking thirsty. That will get you the wrong kind of attention that you probably not looking for. If you are, then you are using dating apps wrong. 2-3 pictures would probably be fine. Just remember that this is the vain part of your profile. Your pictures have to make people want to find out more about you, especially on apps that just show you a picture right off the bat.

Now that they have clicked on your profile, you gotta keep right something about yourself that will make them want to message you. Unless the app gives you questions, you need to make it short, sweet, and to the point. Make sure it’s interesting and something that will catch their attentions. You want to get them intrigued enough to message you. Pretty much, treat it like you would your bio for a social media site. Dating sites are just like Twitter and Facebook but instead of connecting with people you know, you are looking to connect with people you want to fall in love with…and eventually, connect genitals with. I also recommend connecting social media with it if it is allowed. This will let them see more of you than what is just available on whatever app you are doing.  Instagram will also let them look at you more and decide whether they want to bang you or not. The Sad part is how true that statement is.

Hopefully, this will help you get a significant other. If you want more of this let me know because I’ll make more.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more shit like this.

Communication and Dating

datingprob sm.jpg

As I’ve stated before on here, dating sucks. The most annoying part about it is the “getting to know” portion of it. It’s literally the worst. It’s like being interrogated by the FBI and the CIA. Seriously, it is. You might as well get the swinging light and the dark room with the full good cop bad cop scenario going on in a non-sexual way.

The entire worst part about it is that you can’t even see the person you are chatting with. Sure, you can meet in person but that doesn’t usually happen to down the line. This adds a sense of you don’t even know what the person is meaning by what they said. Are they trying to be sarcastic or are they being a dick? This makes it hard to respond because you don’t know how they mean it. If they add in a lol or an emoji, then makes it a little more easier but it’s still a pain.

Now this is the part where it’s annoying part. And I’m talking about the having an actual conversation part. No one seems like they want to have actual full fledge conversation. It’s either short or it quickly turns into a sexual Q&A where the person is trying to get into your pants. You could literally be talking about your favorite book and then BAM! It turns sexual. Like seriously people, you just met the person. Keep in your pants or you’re going to get hosed down like the thirsty person you are.

And if you aren’t going to respond to a message, then make sure you don’t open it up. Most apps that you use to send messages, let the person know when you see the messages. This could send so many of the wrong messages. If you are talking to an over thinker, then you are sending them into a spiral of “did I say something wrong?” or “are my messages going through?” And they can’t ask you about it because then you are going to take them as needy sons of bitches and that’s not attractive unless you have a fetish for that. If you don’t have time to respond then try not to open it. Preview it and respond later. At least then, the person will assume your busy, hopefully, and that you’re not a tool. And I know this is only one side, but it usually the side that isn’t represented or gets a bad rap due to our obsession with Romatic comedies where this is taken as a flaw. It’s not a flaw.

While appropriate apps to connect with potential dates is another issue, in order to get a date-you have to get to know people and in order to do that, you need to-say it with me now-hold a conversation and communicate. It’s not a hard thing to do and you may enjoy talking to that person. If you don’t enjoy holding a conversation then you better prepare to have a lonely life and become the crazy cat lady/man. Also, watch how you are come across because you don’t know how someone is going to take it. Especially if you are attractive to them.


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