Watch out, Oprah! I’m coming for your crown with this one. I thought I would lighten the mood in the world with one of the most talked-about columns on here: Pop Project FAVVVOOORRRIITTTTEEE TTHHHHIIIINNNNNGGGGGSSSSSS (Please read this in your head like Oprah Winfrey introducing something). Welcome to Pop Project Favorite Things: Quarantine Edition. That’s right. I’m making a list of all my favorite quarantine things. There also might be some summer things in here to because believe it or not; it’s summertime. I was shocked too.
Eat your heart out, Oprah!
So without further ado, let’s dive into what exactly my favorite things are. Unlike Miss Oprah, I’m a broke-ass bitch, so I am unable to give these out for free. There would be a master list, but I’m that broke of a bitch, and I lost that ability. We know who is responsible for that. But I’m not too broke to give you the most excellent list of Quarantine. If I was Oprah Gail Winfrey, yes that is her real middle name, I’d grab a box of tissues and Gayle now. She’s going to be 100% shook by my list.
Drag queens have been a source of enjoyment during these troubled times. I wholeheartedly believe that we need a drag queen as president. Sure, Trump may think he’s a drag queen with that spray tan and sorry excuse for a weave. We all know better. They are just so fierce and sassy. I’ve been watching A LOT of RuPaul’s Drag Race and let me tell you: those queens get bitchy , and catty and I am here for it.
But on a more serious note: I’ve always had respect for them, but like what they do is an art form that needs more respect. What they do to enter-taint us (get it?) every night needs more applause and praise. My favorite queens, in no particular order, are Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Adore Delano, Courtney Act, Bianca Del Rio, Trixie Mattel, Katya Zamolodchikova, Shangela, and of course RuPaul. There’s probably more, but they are all just talented hoes.
Being shipped to you after being in cleansed and quarantine for four months is a Build Your Own Drag Queen Ken Doll. You can make your drag queen and have Ken live out his dreams: wearing Barbie’s clothes and living his drag life. There’s also an endless supply of half-used former drag queen makeup for your use. It used to be Bianca Del Rio’s, so it’s just clown makeup.
Wearing a mask
If you are reading this and saying, “It’s my body, my choice. The government can’t force me to wear a mask,” then in the words of Oprah Gayle, “GETTTT THEEE FFUCCCCCKKKKKK OUTTTAAAAAA HEEERRRRRRREEEE.” Again, please read that in your best Oprah voice. Look, while I’m not the hugest fan of wearing a mask, but like I get that to prevent others from getting it. I do love the fact that it’s showing us who are slightly crazy friends are. You know those friends that are on your Facebook feed. The ones that believe the government is out to kill us.
It’s also allowed us to know those friends that are hypocritical. There’s like two camps: those who were pro banning LGBT from businesses but anti banning people not wearing masks from stores and then pro-life/anti-abortion but don’t want to wear a mask. I guess they don’t like to be judged or people telling them what to do with their bodies. Sound familiar?
I think the mask makes me more attractive, but that just says I’m very insecure about my smile. But a mask is the best part of accessorizing as well as letting mouth your true feelings to people and them never finding out. Do you know how therapeutic it is to tell an ignorant asshole to fuck off and them never to know?
For those who wear a mask, you will be receiving $400,000. It will be quarantined for 50 months. Congrats on attempting to save lives by keeps your germs to yourself. If you are refusing to wear a mask, there are tickets for you to go to Fyre Festival 2020. Enjoy assholes.
Like most millennials, I’ve been using my time quarantine to relieve my childhood and revisit things of my past. I have enjoyed all of it. I visited the complete discography of Demi Lovato (Here’s my review of her first album “Don’t Forget”). I’ve rewatched some of the classic anime “Sailor Moon.” I also relived the best of pop music of the 90s and 00s. It was such a fantastic time.
In honor of nostalgia, I will bring you the reunion of One Direction after they quarantine for about three months. That’s 2 weeks per member. That’s right, there will be five members but because it’s not just One Direction without all five directions. You know the five directions: Harry, Niall, Louis, Liam, and Zayn. Also, you are welcome for the fact that this one is short.
The amount of activism that has been going in the world has made me believe that there’s hope behind that orange pile of shit. Now, I’m not talking about the people that were protesting with their guns over haircuts. I’m talking about people going out there and protest for Black Lives Matter and other causes like that because they are tired of seeing it and want change. There were so many protests, in fact, there’s still protest and it’s showing the world how much power the police have.
The police are going around and arrest all the protesters that are doing it peacefully. People are recording it and posting it on social media like they are a Karen (don’t worry, we’ll get to Karens). The press then called out by the world for not covering the stories accurately. You see, there were only showing one side of the protest, and it was the violent protests because little know fact: News make a better rating if the news is, how do you say, exciting. And what’s more interesting than black Americans destroying shit when it was mostly bored white suburban teenagers. Yeah, this is all fucked up.
For all those who protested, in the mail is your ballot and instructions on how to vote. You can also go to vote.org. Let’s get out there and vote out those who support bigotry.
Some may call in Quarantine chic, but let’s just call it for what it is: it’s homeless chic. Personally, I think it’s sweet that young Hollywood is raising awareness for homelessness. Soon, all their tween and teen fans will be looking to screw the homeless just in case they are a celebrity.
Just because you are no going anywhere doesn’t mean you need to look like you are down on your luck and in need of a warm shower, food, and clean clothes. Like, take a shower, put on your sweatpants, and attempt to be productive in your home. Sure, you might be still hot looking like a mess, but no one soberly wants to screw someone that looks like they are sticky.
I’m not going to give you anything for this. You just need to go take a shower. Seriously, please take a shower and never look back at the homeless chic. Also, please donate to your nearest shelter that helps the homeless. While I might joke about it, it’s a severe topic.
The only reason that Facebook is on here is that I hate the platform and everything on it. My favorite feed is toxic and full of people posting things that are against my beliefs. Now, I don’t say anything on there because I was raised right: you talk about them behind their back. You say things you would say. to their face, in case someone tries to call you out for it.
I’ve learned about the “take a break” option, where it lets you hide their post from your feed. The problem is that it’s most of the people that I follow. I respect their opinions, but there comes a certain point where it shows a person’s true colors. I’ve deleted the app off my phone and just been using the browser site. I decided to take a break from the app because I don’t gain anything from it. It honestly makes me frustrated with ignorance and stupidity.
Everyone reading will receive my new app called “Faceblock.” It prevents you from doing the following: posting something ignorant, or letting the negative keep you down. It’s in the testing stages and will be out in 2-19 years. But it’s worth the wait. In the meantime, I highly recommend you taking a break from the app because it’s toxic. Here’s a status you can post if you would like to tell the world about your break from the devil’s social media:
Dear Facebook friends, I respect your opinions and your views. But a lot of you are toxic and ignorant. I’m over your toxic posts and ignorance, as well as your lack of understanding of what considers actual news and what’s just clickbait. Because of this, I’ll be taking an extended hiatus from this platform until a time comes I wish to return to see your toxic and ignorant posts and views and have that return to my life. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
I’ll save the rest for my final list that comes in December. I also don’t want to cause any more grief for Oprah or Gayle. I bet they are freaking out over the fact that I will now have two lists this year. Don’t worry, O and G, if you thought this list was good. Just wait until the end of year one. Oh, say I to Steadman for me. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t exist.
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