Cool for The Summer foreva, bitches

Cool for summer

Demi Lovato graced us with the video for her ode to summer sexual awakenings, “Cool For The Summer.” And boy, it’s a trip that makes you think that you are watching a music video version of “Spring Breakers.” Yes, I just compared something to that wonderful movie.

It features a former Disney star being very provocative during, what appears to be with the amount of parties, spring break “Sprang Break” like summer. It also feature the Disney star making out with everyone at the parties, including other women #raunchy, wearing sexually provocative swimsuit and outfits at the parties, alleyways, riding in convertibles, and even while rolling around in bed. It even features a pink haired chick that’s a total slut.The only thing that it’s missing is drugs, guns, and threesome with James Franco.  The song is actually rather reminisce of the music featured in the movie.

Pretty much, Demi Lovato wanted to show the world how “Spring Breakers” should have been, and it would have been a pretty kick ass movie. Here’s the video for your viewing pleasure:


Rating: 4 Sprang Breaks out of 5

Sprang Break Foreva: How to Sprang Break

Sprang Break is here for many college students, along with people who are trying to still believe that they are young. It’s the time of letting your hair down as well doing things that your mother wouldn’t approve of unless she is Dina Lohan. So I thought that since I’m the life of the party, I would spread some of that knowledge onto you. So I’m here to today to teach you how to full enjoy your Sprang Break. To help me with my lesson, I’ll be using gifs from my all time “favorite” movie, Spring Breakers! Who doesn’t love James Franco as a drug lord that looks like something a model throw up before a show.

Get yourself some friends

While I know this may be really hard for you because no one can be as popular as me, to have a killer Sprang Break, you need some friends. Friends will make the trip better, especially if they are shady bitches. Make sure one of the bitches is a very proper but yet caves easy to peer pressure. This bitch will make your trip seem like it will be like a weekend at your grandmother’s house, unless your Grandma is a like mine and that’s a totally different conversation. Make sure at least one is attractive and psycho because that will be important later on.


Getting a trip that is a steal

Sprang Break isn’t free, unless you know the right people. So if you looking for a cheap trip, armed robbery is the way to go. Put on some fugly outfits, some black ski masks, and grab some hammers and guns and meet your friends,minus the proper bitch, in your teacher/professor’s car. Pick a random hole in the wall place and just go to town in that mother. After you rob everyone, watch that son of bitch’s car burn to the ground and go plan the Sprang Break of your dreams.


Planning is key

Now after you get the money you need, sit down with your friends and just get turnt. Nothing help plan an awesome trip than a bong full of drugs and your friends. There, you can get all your best ideas out there and just plan to run the town you go to. Make sure you pack all your bikini and tennis shoes because nothing says “I’m here to get turnt and possible come home with some STDs!” like bikinis and tennis shoes!


You better boozlieve you are really there!

Now once you arrive at the location of your Sprang Break, you get to your bitches, get some boys, and make some noise because you all need to get White Girl Wasted. All that is you need to get drunk to the point you lose all control. This may sound like a bad thing, but would you want to remember doing something you will definitely regret in the morning? White Girl Wasted is the best thing that could happen to you and your bitches during Sprang Break. Eventually, you will end up getting arrest after one faithfully party. That is where your Sprang Break will be the defining moment of your life. Here’s the gif to summarize your time in jail:


Talking to strangers is okay on Sprang Break

After spending a night in jail in just your bikini,because clothes are for losers, a creepy but in the right light attractive guy,who also may or may not be a drug lord,will take you under you and your bitches under his wing. This is where all your fun begins. He will show you and teach you things that you will never dream of before. The best part? You don’t have to worry about where to sleep because he will let all of you sleep in his bitchin’ pad. See? Strangers can be bother creepy and nice.


The Party has just begun, bitch

Now that you have an in with the drug lord, he’s going to take you and your bitches on a little “party”. A “party” where you wear the perfect Sprang Break outfit: a pink bikini, a matching pink ski mask, and a small firearm.  Now not all of your bitches will attend this “party” as the proper bitch will bail but she wasn’t a real bitch but a basic bitch. So you won’t miss her at all. Back to the “party,” this will be the highlight of your Sprang Break.  And will start something that will have you saying “Sprang Break Foreva!”


Musical Interlude

In between the “partying”, make sure you enjoy the scenery of your surroundings. Take the time to just chill, have your drug lord play some classic Britney Spears while you and your bitches sing and sway to the side. I suggest Everytime because that is my jam and perfect for reflecting on your “parties.” Now cherish this moment with your bitches because one of your bitches will be basic and leaving you again. This time you will miss this basic bitch. Your basic bitch will leave because your drug lord and your bitches will be involved in a drive by shooting. Believe me, a drive by aren’t as fun as they sound. Your drug lord will seek revenge because of this and this “party” will be one long ass “party” too.


Three’s a crowd…but let’s do it anyways.

Now remember when I said to make sure you have an attractive and psycho bitch in your bitches? Well, it’s just now you, your drug lord, and your attractive psycho bitch and he says your his “soul mates.” So now you all three explore this and have massive amount of sex everywhere. It’s just not your average run of the mill sex, but rather extremely kinky sex where your drug lord sucks on a gun. The kind of sex that would make whores blush. This will go on for days. Think of it of kinky tag.  But in-between your conquest to out kinky Fifty Shades of Grey, you will plan your last “party” of Sprang Break. And it’s a big bitchin’ “party.”


Game On, bitches

On your final night of your Sprang Break, you, your attractive psycho bitch, and your drug lord will try to take revenge for the drive by but your drug lord will end up dead in the first 3 minutes because he was a basic bitch. But luckily, everyone shooting at you, is also a basic bitch and you end up killing and robbing all of them. Before you leave for home, you kiss your dead “soulmate”, rob him as well and steal a bitchin’ ride while singing “Sprang Break Foreva!” over and over again.

Now that I know what you are thinking and this level of Sprang Break is achievable. Just follow these steps and you too can be shouting “Sprang Break Foreva” while you play with a gun in your drug lords mouth. Feel free to revisit these steps if you forget how to Sprang Break.

Spring break trailer review, bitches

Spring Breaker banner

Fans of Selena Gomez lost their minds last Thursday after the long-awaited trailer for her new movie Spring Breakers was finally released online.  But don’t be fooled by the film’s cutes-y sounding chick-flick of a title.  This movie is anything but the G-rated Disney fare Selena fans are accustomed to, as Selena herself has stated that “People will be shocked,” by her character and the film itself.

According to imdb, the film basically revolves around four college girls who just want to leave their boring college campus, and have the quintessential spring break trip.  Oh, not to mention rob a bank to fund said trip, party it up, get thrown in jail, bailed out by a sketchy rapper (played by James Franco…seriously?), shoot some guns, do some dirty work, and god only knows what else.  The film is directed by Harmony Korine.  Haven’t heard of him?  He is the director of many equally twisted and obscure films such as Kids, Gummo, and something called Trash Humpers, (which is about exactly what you think it is…let that image just sink in).  Sound like a Disney Channel Original Movie to you? Didn’t think so. Allow us to break down the Spring Breakers trailer for you:

The trailer opens with a giant R rating from the MPAA for “strong sexual content, language, nudity, drug use and violence throughout”, meaning that unless you are 17, or have some pretty ingenious (and illegal) pirating skills, you kiddies will not be seeing this movie.  We then see the innocent, baby-faced Selena Gomez being awoken by a few of her familiar Disney-worthy friends Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson…oh and this Rachel Korine person who obviously just got thrown into the film because she is the director’s wife, (for now she is known as “pink hair girl”).  Immediately the girls’ desires are known from a constant, almost tribal chanting of “money” and “spring break” in the background of a montage of classrooms, dorm rooms, and standing in the rain…for some weird reason.  As the broke college girls cook up a plan to fund their escape, gangster rap replaces the chanting, and flashes of their robbery of what appears to be a restaurant are shown.  A split second later, the girls are then whisked away to “Spring Break”, in all it’s booze-y, day-glow bikini, Vespa-riding glory.  Next, it’s hello to Mr. James Franco, looking almost unrecognizable as rapper “Alien”, preaching to a crowd of spring breakers that “THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!” and adding “Y’all” to the end of every sentence, (is that supposed to be a white rapper thing?).  Then just as the party seems to be getting started, we see the girls arrested, in a courtroom, and finally in a holding cell, all the while STILL in those bikinis (you would think they would have packed some clothes).  Busted out of jail by good old Alien, now we see that things are REALLY about to heat up, as Skrillex music blares in the background.  Cue the montage of guns shooting, James Franco’s corn row and grill shots, cases of money, solo cups, day-glow bikinis and blacklights, all the while set to constant base drops courtesy of Skrillex and another round of chanting declaring “spring break forever”.  There you have the glorious, twisted, terrifying, amazing Spring Breakers trailer, and what is sure to kick all that is remaining of Selena’s Disney image to the curb.

Watch the trailer here for yourself…We know we will about a million more times. “Spring break forever, bitches…”

Have an opinion on this movie? Leave in a comments below