The Death and Funeral of Hannah Montana

cyrusratchet

It was a sad sad night in the world last night as there was a murder on MTV’s Video Music Awards. Miley Cyrus pretty much whored up the place and scared the billions of people who were watching for the reunion of NSYNC.  Miley Cyrus killed Hannah Montana on that fateful night.  Now, if you haven’t watched this performance then stop reading this and watch it!

Ready now? Good!

Now this performance is going to easily comparable to the infamous Britney Spears performance of “Gimme More” back in 2007 because of the shock factor (Britney was like a zombie and Miley was being a whore with a tongue and a foam finger). Miley twerked…and by twerked and I mean she grinded up on Robin Thicke’s junk. She also had a foam finger and proved that there are many things you can do with a foam fingers and it will still air on MTV uncensored.  She also cut Chuck E Cheese’s face off and made it into outfit to cover up the outfit she stole from Lady Gaga’s dressing room.

I’m starting thing that “We Can’t Stop” is really her giving the world the finger, which she did last night many times. Miley was pretty much that extremely slutty girl at that party that’s so wasted out of her mind, she’s ratchet. Even when she wasn’t performing, she was still acting like she was getting ready to jump on a pole and lick it (I wonder if her tongue was about to fall off because it was out of her mouth so much).

I think this a good time to state that Miley has single-handedly ruined twerking (sorry, Harry Styles) after the twerking up against Robin Thicke and then simulating what looked like motor boating a big black girl butt as she twerk, who gave the best twerk of the night!.

Overall, this performance has scarred me more than Spring Breakers and it honestly seemed like a desperate attempt to get noticed. Whether she’s just being Miley, only her best friend Lesley knows, but it’s safe to say that Hannah Montana is dead. Just like it’s safe to say that Will Smith’s family won’t be inviting her over for dinner anytime soon.

Miley Cyrus will not stop

mileycMiley Cyrus, America’s resident llama impersonator and  Salvia enthusiast, just released her newest single “We Can’t Stop” this morning on “On-Air with Ryan Seacreast” and it’s time for my review of it!

This songs just seems like Miley is trying to relieve her “Party in the USA” summer hit days and she is on the right track if this is true. It’s pretty much one of those songs that you play at a bonfire. It’s a simple song but one that is kinda catchy. It even use one of the many technique the greatest songwriters use that makes hits: random syllables that are used to rhyme with words. I don’t know if this is a statement to today’s society but she used this technique with the word party. Here is how many words rhyme with party:

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While it wouldn’t sound as cool as how it does in the song, I’m pretty sure Miley just got lazy. Anyways, this song is just about having a good time and enjoying life.  The song even shows off her vocal ability, which Miley is on the top of her game even after taking a break from singing after the release of her most controversial album “Can’t Be Tamed” (which was pretty much amazing).

What didn’t work: While it wasn’t much, it was just the overall beat of the song. It just stayed the same through the entire song and didn’t build any moment or anything like that. While it still works with the song, it just catches you off guard at first. Also, the opening with the guy taking isn’t needed. It’s pretty much as need as Miley’s bra. The song also took me at least 2 listens because it started to get catchy and I began to really dig it.

Rating: 3.5 Hannah Montana wigs out of 5

 

Have an opinion on Miley’s new single? Let us know in the comments below!